"The Call"

So...while in Brazil I had the opportunity to speak to many missionaries on the foreign field about their work and "call". Every single person or couple told me that the "call" to foreign missions was absolutely crystal clear and inescapable. Some saw my passion for the gospel and for the people of Brazil and told me that I had the definite markings of a missionary. Others were slower to share their opinion, saying that they were confident that the Lord would lead me in truth. While others assured me that if I was not sure, then the "call" had not come...yet at least.

Even as I type I just can't seem to decide if I'm called and resisting, or simply called to the States and...resisting. Hehe, what a predicament huh? I do NOT have assurance of this "call" to move to a foreign country forever. Neither do I have confidence that such a leading will never come. It is true that I am crazy about Brazil, it's people and language, and about the spiritual and physical needs there. The problem is that I have always had such a burden for the lost of the US and I can not shake it...not that I need to shake it.

I think the Lord is helping me identify yet another "religious" ideal that was planted deep inside me somewhere that needs to be uprooted. I think that I have always assumed that if I was willing to surrender my life more and more to the Lord's use that I would certainly end up as a full time evangelist in another land. When I see that thought spelled out I can see how untrue it is, and I know tons of sold out believers who do not have that "call", but I'm still wrestling to accept what may be the placement of my life and gifts in normal work environments here in my own country. Really the thought thrills me, but so does that of ministering in the cities and jungles of Brazil.

Everyone seems to have a different understanding of what many refer to as a "call" to vocational ministry, and I've decided that I can only get and trust the information from one source. So is He silent right now because He's already given me the wisdom to make smart decisions on these matters, or is He silent because He's testing my willingness to wait until the last minute when He's planned to reveal His best? The journey continues...and I'm glad to be on it.